another rant - i do this alot ,
so i figured i needed to rant again. right. i really NEVER really NEED to rant. it just always comes spilling out of my mouth. well, today is no different i guess. and i guess the motto would be ‘fuck my life’. or something of that nature. well. let’s just say that i get attached way too easily. i just like. crave intimacy. or like being in control. or both. and it really fucking sucks. because i always end up getting hurt in the end. it’s sickening. but what’s worse is that i like somehow don’t learn my lesson and i just keep doing it. i love people paying attention to me, i love guys’ attention. i don’t know why. i just do. and like the minute someone gets interested, i feel like i have to hold on like it’ll never happen again. that sounds so ridiculous, trust me. but i don’t know how to stop it. and it hurts. it really does. every time i get so happy, and then boom. it feels like the wind is knocked out of me. how can i stop it? it’s just a viscious cycle. i feel like shit too. whenever it happens. i need to just keep my spirits up. you know, be optimistic. again, i think i just need to let go more easily. something will come my way. just because i’ve had a hard time with guys in the past, doesn’t mean i’m so entirely doomed. or does it? right now i don’t even know what is right or wrong. or what i should be feeling.
