September 2009
3 posts
why do i do this ,
i just don’t get why i am so into just doing really stupid shit that ultimately fucks myself over in the end. like i just don’t get it. really i’m so fucking confused atm. and i guess i better explain everything before you think i’m going off the deep end and i’m some kind of crazy psycho. but i do feel like i am sometimes, which is kind of sadly ironic? i don’t...
i hate everything about myself ,
i just don’t get life. i really don’t. i’m so fucking sick and tired of people saying ‘i know how you feel’ or people trying to ask me ‘are you okay?’ i’m so tired of it. like i don’t even understand why they try to get in my head. it’s not your fucking place to tell me how to feel. i don’t need it. i don’t want sympathy or...
feel like i'm free fallin ,
so yeah. it’s been a while since i’ve written. and well i don’t really know what i can say about that. so it’s been like a month. not much really has happened in that month. sad to say. it just seems like i’m stuck in the same old rut again. i mean, for most, college is a fun experience, but not for me. i just feel like i’m picking out even more flaws about...
August 2009
7 posts
what the hell is my problem ?
i feel like i’m in a hole. in a tunnel. i feel like i’m stuck. and i can’t get out. i feel like i’m screaming for help, till my lungs burn, and no one can hear me. what is wrong wtih me? i feel like there’s a hole. a void that can’t be filled. i’ve been crying for no reason, feeling like i don’t matter. feeling like i’m so abandoned. i want to...
another survey ,
I’ve recently made up with an old friend of mine. I’m getting a new phone soon. I haven’t seen the person I like in two, going on three months. They’re in the armed forces. I work tomorrow. Someone that I’m close with is having a birthday soon. I’m actually kind of really excited about school. I like to run. I got some new clothes the other day. Someone wants me...
another survey for me ,
Instructions: Put your iPOD, mp3 player or whatever you use to play music on shuffle. Write down the song that comes up to answer each question. Do not skip songs, even if you repeat artists! After you name the song, write yes or no for the question that follows. See how many actually make sense! This is my favourite song right now: lost and confused by lillix. Is this true? » Not really. ...
don't look so blue my little decoy ,
decoy. most associate this with some kind of malicious intent. a way to blindsight people to get what you want. to hide a flaw. and that my friends, is what ive been doing all this time. a smile has been my so-called ‘decoy’. and i’m getting tired of just pasting it onto my fake face, and making everyone think i’m happy. well, i’m not. and it sucks trying to be strong...
another rant - i do this alot ,
so i figured i needed to rant again. right. i really NEVER really NEED to rant. it just always comes spilling out of my mouth. well, today is no different i guess. and i guess the motto would be ‘fuck my life’. or something of that nature. well. let’s just say that i get attached way too easily. i just like. crave intimacy. or like being in control. or both. and it really fucking...
it's gonna be okay ,
hold my hand, baby it’ll be alright you know that i’m here for you. together we can win this fight, it’s the best that we can do.
close to the edge ,
you know. i feel like im usually kind of weak. i feel like i cant do anything. and well for once, i had a very disturbing thought. but not disturbing in a bad way, more so in a way of growth? did that make sense? i hope so. if not, well i guess you just need to know me. so lately, i had been thinking about something. see, there was kind of an incident. i took four of my pills. yes four. i was kind...
A-B-C survey ,
Long ABC Survey Appropriate questions 01. Name: britters. 02. Age: nineteen. 03. Status: single. ugh. 04. Best friend: mandee or robin (: 05. Mood: confused? 06. Crush: in love atm. ngl. 07. Song: none? 08. Drinking/eating: diet pepsi. 09. Windows up: tumblr, a xanga, msn IMs. 10. Birthday: aug 30. Bolding 01. I like to flirt. 02. I’m subscribed to 100+ Xangas. 03. I love chocolate. 04. I’m over...
July 2009
7 posts
so i think i just died ,
okay. so i found a picture of taylor lautner and tay swift kissing on the set of their new movie. i think i just might’ve either a) died. or b) found my new crackship? ha.
another life lesson ,
“sometimes you have to learn to let go, to see if there’s anything even worth holding onto.”
so yes, i fucking read that quote, and had the biggest revelation of my life. go me. or not, really. i realized that i need to let go of a lot of things. i feel like i have been trying to trick myself into keeping something, even though it’s long gone. i don’t know what...
wow, rant much?
another sick look into my life:
yeah. you guessed it. i guess i’m just gonna ramble some more. but i had a bit of a dawning experience. wtf? well. let’s see. i don’t really know where it came from, but i started to think. and i realized that i like control. i like having that sense of security. and well, when i give that up, and trust someone, the insecurity comes, and i feel...
simple survey. woot.
Who was the last person to make you laugh? my dad. ironically enough.
Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? ha. no.
Will your next kiss be a mistake? hopefully not.
Do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes. it’s rochelle and nicole.
Are you a jealous person? yeah, sadly.
Soda or milk? soda ftw.
Are you someone who worries too much? yeah, i worry a...
what have i done ?
feelin kind of hopeless again. i don’t know what it is. kind of hit another rough patch. my mom asked me if i was ready to move out, ready to make a life for myself. and truthfully? i’m scared out of my mind. but i can’t tell her that. i have to be strong. i have to grow up. and i just can’t take it. but i know it needs to be done. i don’t want to be alone on my...
it's time to get inside my head.
so i figured that i would make a blog. i know how stupid it sounds, or how cliche, or how lazy i might seem for making one. but i don’t care. i never really cared. and that’s why i’m making a blog. i need a place to let go. i need somewhere i can just let it all out. because my fellow friends out in the internet world, i can’t let it out with my friends or family. and i...